Comparison

All the kids, about 6 wks old.

Just a Little Nothing

Snug as a bug. Jack likes his arms out, but he does still like a little true swaddle.

Jack loves his big brother, Ethan.

 Sydney is holding Scarlett, her new cousin. My sister, Erica's first baby & only other cousin on my side of the family.

 Map of what veins need treatment in my legs. I had my appointment just after Christmas. I have to wear stockings for 6 wks straight as a "hoop" for insurance purposes, then we can get started.

I was so worried that they would tell me they are not bad enough to need treatment (they are so ugly to look at but whatevs).  Since I had Jack, they are not nearly as bad, but I guess the pictures inside do not change with the appearance outside, so they need to be worked on. Is it weird to be happy about that? 

 Ethan thinks that since Aidan dresses up and I take pics that he needs to do so as well... 

 We dog sat for a few days just before Christmas. This is my neighbor, Lola. She was a sweet little friend!

I am so excited to have my phone linked up to a couple places to make easy use of all my pictures! These pics were all taken there and loaded to google plus. Sweet. Anywho, it is a goal of mine to update my blog more often in 2013, so thank you google for making that much easier to accomplish, with less time commitment!

Christmas Card

I created a card on Shutterfly and wanted to share it here. I love their Christmas cards :)

Stationery card

View the entire collection of cards.

Getting Close...

This is my 34 Weeks picture- un-instagram style.  I like Instagram better lol, you can't see my toilet and stuff as well in the background. This was taken 10.17.2012.

 This picture was taken 10.18.2012. Jody and I went to Dickey's BBQ for our anniversary dinner.  Eleven years together. 

I want to say it is crazy how time flies, cause it is, but then so much has happened since we were married that it also seems like a whole different lifetime! 

I had a Dr appointment today.  I am not quite 35 weeks, but I will still say my 35 week appointment :). 

Nothing special, I suppose, just the usual blood pressure, heartbeat, pee in a cup, any questions? I asked if getting tested for Group B Strep was necessary since we know I am delivering c-section, and she said no. I will be getting antibiotics anyway.

We scheduled an appointment for the hospital, so I thought it would be fun to do a little comparison.

It will be interesting to see when this kid actually comes.

               Due Date   Scheduled Date   Birth Date

Ethan    11.24.2004       11.18.2004         11.10.2004     7:04 pm

Sydney    12.04.2006      11.27.2006         11.23.2006     9:42 pm

Aidan     03.18.2009     03.11.2009           3.02.2009       12:43 am

Just some useless factoids for you, haha! Who knows when this baby will come, I just really really praying it is not the weekend of Ethan's birthday. I really would be happy with anytime after this Friday, to be honest lol. So we will see.

Another little tidbit, we decided he is most likely sideways. His head is definitely on my right side, which would sort of stick with the way the other two boys were, although their heads were up further. This little guy, his head is far to the right of my belly button, maybe a little above, but not a lot. Sometimes he moves up  right under my ribs, but usually goes back. I get pretty much zero movement in the top part of my uterus. I really do not remember if Sydney kicked me and it hurt, but this is the same as Ethan and Aidan- movement down low, but not much of anything up high. I get what feel like cervix kicks or punches all the time, and the back end lol. Sometimes my bladder. Its funny to feel the strange movements inside your body! But I am that he does not, by his body in general, make me especially uncomfortable. In fact, if I thought about it long, I could probably tell you when I started feeling more comfortable up top. For a while, wearing a bra was a lot of pressure and I just hated it. But then, there was relief of that pressure, I want to say 28-30 weeks ish? I am not sure. But maybe that is when he decided to lay the way he lays? Who really knows. Anyway, just some interesting thoughts.

We have a busy week ahead of us, well... a busy season beginning. This week we have Erica's baby shower,  then I am throwing the kids a birthday party Friday. Ethan is really hung up on the fact he may not get baptized on his scheduled date (11.17) and I think I would feel awful if, on top of that, he and Sydney did not get to have birthday parties with friends (since I am not sure if we will do anything with family??).  So early it is, and we are doing a Halloween Party. It will be fun, and crazy, and I am sure I will be happy when that two hours is over. That same evening, we are headed to my parents' ward party- they do a trunk or treat every year. That is always fun.  Brooke flies in that evening too. Saturday is free, then Sunday we have our annual Halloween party with Holly's family. Her mom, Hazel, has a really fun party every year. I love all of our fun Halloween traditions :). I am headed to both kids' classes on Halloween, and I am in charge of a "station" at Sydney's party. I need some ideas for that.... Jody works on Halloween night, so we will be headed down to trick or treat with my parents. 

Jody heads out of town Nov 1st, and will be back sometime on the 6th. He was supposed to head out 8th-10th to Denver, but I was having anxiety that my spouse and my Dr would be out of town that weekend... so he ended up asking someone else if they would go. I feel kind of bad... but what do you do? LOL!

So it all begins!!! If by some crazy happenings I have a  baby way early, I will still probably try to do Ethan's baptism the 17th. I do not know why he is making such a big deal of waiting a month, but he is. And I feel kind of bad. I guess if I am still pregnant that day, maybe we will do a last minute thing and just tell anyone if they want to meet us for lunch at Kneader's, by all means. 

A Whole Lot of Random

I started this post in February of 2009, for I think my 200th post? I can not remember now, cause it has been a million years since then lol. I will post what I had, and add some more. I apologize if some are repeated, as I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too lazy and could lose interest if I read through them all. HAHA! 100 things about me, you may or may not know. Please excuse the format... this was written before Blogger changed.


1. Water is my favorite thing to drink, but 2nd favorite is Ruby Red Grapefruit juice. YUM.
2. My favorite thing my mom makes is corn chowder.
3. I HATE spiders.
4. My favorite Disney movie is Robin Hood; I know most of it by heart :)
5. My very favorite TV show ever was Alias. I would say is, but it is no longer on. :(
6. I love the movie Moulin Rouge.
7. I moved more than nine times as a school-age kid
8. As a kid, I hated peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as well as bananas. One of my favorite snacks now, is bananas (barely ripe) with Addams peanut butter.
9. I have 17 aunts and uncles, not including spouses.


10. Nine of them are the same age or younger than Jody


11. I love Ireland and would really love to visit there


12. I love music and to sing (when I am alone)


13. I like heavy metal. As in hair bands. Metallica's Black Album is my favorite. Especially to exercise to.


14. I love to read.


15. I am really into making my own bread. It is easy and tasty and saves money.


16. I used to buy my dog doggie ice cream when it was his birthday. Kind of funny.


17. I love raspberries and peaches so much I planted 3 peach trees and like 9 raspberry bushes. I hope they will start producing lots of fruit soon!


18. I love the Humanities, and would really enjoy to travel the world and see all the places I have learned about.
19. I have done a session in the Manhattan, NY temple.


20. I love chocolate but I can easily pass up a Hershey kiss or bar. What I find VERY hard to resist, however, is a Lindt bar. I love fine quality chocolate, especially the Swiss variety.


21. I love Training Table Cheese Fries.


22. I love my husband and how awesome he is and how studly he is and how talented he is and how humble he is and how great he is and did I mention how awesome he is and how good looking he is and how awesomely humble he is and how talented he is, and creative, trustworthy, loyal, courteous, kind, thrifty, brave, cheerful, clean, reverent and, boy, I could go on and on and on...but back to me...


23. #22 was written by someone else. I am not sure who?


24. I love lots of random music people- Tim McGraw, Sarah McLachlan, Enigma, Josh Groban, etc


25. I am closet OCD. My cupboards, closets, etc are organized in a specific order. I even load the dishwasher a specific way. Very altered over the years, especially with totally non-OCD people around. I don't have the energy to do what I actually think in my head lol.


26. I love having a big family.


27. I really like playing games; you know, like Rook, Phase 10, Scene It, etc. Fun stuff.


28. My favorite color is red.


29. I love animals. I like Boston Terriors and Great Danes in addition to puggies. Bull dogs too.


30. I like to sleep on my couch. I like my bed better, but sometimes I just can not get up! *Amended- I like my couch better than my bed. I need a new bed really bad!


31. I am a sucker for Old Navy's holiday socks. I look forward to them. I just bought some St Patrick's Day socks.


32. An unopened bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs or Almond M&M's in my pantry is a tragedy waiting to happen. As soon as they are opened, they are gone within 24 hours. I do not share these items; I eat the whole bag myself. Even the dark chocolate ones are good (I don't really like drak chocolate).


33. I don't like donuts but I could eat a whole dozen bucket of Einstein's bagels.


34. I think about food a lot. I am hoping that changes soon, but I am hungrier when I nurse so I don't think I will be so lucky.


35. I do not drink soda very often, but every once in a while, I will crave it so bad. The funny thing about this craving, is it is for an ounce or something. Not much at all, just a swig or two!


36. Finding 100 things about me, that people would care to read, is a lot harder than it seems!


37. I like healthy things like whole wheat bread (the kind that actually contains fiber) and milled flax seed.


38. But I am a COMPLETE sucker for sourdough bread and white bread (mine or Grandma Sycamore. I can eat the whole loaf in a few hours).


39. Same with homemade or fresh Costco rolls. I eat them all day long, till they are gone. Best not to have around. I really would shrivel up and die on a low- or no-carb diet.


40. One of my very favorite children's books is "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. I had it before my kids and they are NOT ALLOWED to touch it! It has such a great message. Someone read it in Sacrament meeting when I was young and related it to Christ, and I have never forgot it.



41. Now that I say that, I love Green Eggs and Ham (or I did before I read it a million times) and when I lived in Kansas, someone read it and related it to missionary work. I believe it was Jess Reynolds. That awesome too!



42. I really like the "end of quarter" months. March-- spring, new life; June, my birthday (and hopefully not too hot yet); September--fall, some relief from the heat, fall leaves, reminds me of going to U football games etc; and December-- Christmas season.



43. I like Primary Songs.



44. I would say no if called to be the Primary Chorister.

I love PBS and the kids shows on there are mainly the only ones my kids watch (besides Scooby Doo and Little Einsteins).


45. I have 4 younger sisters and a younger brother (he is the youngest).


46. I love watermelon and for as long as I can remember, I have always eaten the seeds too (well swallowed, not chewed).


47. I love nuts :) Especially almonds, cashews, and pistachios.


48. I love pens and paper. I hoard them both. Good thing I married a journalist who comes home with lots of pens and notepads. I love to buy paper at the scrapbook store. So many cute things.


49. I enjoy photography and photoshop. Its fun. Wish I was good.


50. I have been to Disneyland once- when I was 8. *Amended, we went to Disneyland February 2011


51. Triple Paste is the only diaper rash cream that works on my kids' butts.


52. My favorite church meeting is Relief Society.


53. I think currently think that horizontal sleep is a treasure.


54. I like both Bob and Jillian from Biggest Loser. I would want to workout with Bob, but I could need Jillian to shrink me and Bob to Zen me, :)


55. Our stupid ice maker is broken and I would just love a nice COLD drink of water. *it has been fixed and broken AGAIN! 


56. I always wanted to be a teacher. Probably high school or college.


57. That is where Humanities comes in- I would either like to teach that or Sociology.


58. I went to the Mt Timpanogas temple dedication on Oct 13th 1996. I went through that same temple, five years later to the day when I was getting married. I did not even plan it to be that way. I thought it was kind of cool.


59. My baby just smiled a really cute asleep smile. He sleeps weird and makes faces.


60. I enjoy the night. When everyone else is asleep and I m awake. OK when I am awake by choice and not being deprived of sleep. The snow is best when it falls in the dark, makes it lighter, and is untouched and beautiful. {That said, it is March and I am sick of snow.}


61. My favorite scrapbooking supply company is My Mind's Eye. Digital I have a few, but Rhonna Farrer and Jen Wilson are some.


62. I enjoy watching tv shows on the Internet

OKAY so Here is from now. As in 9.22.2012. I am having issues with the number thing, so I am starting over.

1. Jody and I just measured our heights and I am slightly taller than him. He must have shrunk, cause I swear we did this once and he was like a quarter of an inch taller. LOL! He thinks he needs to weigh less than me... uh no. 
2. I already said this, but I just do not think there is any better drink in all the world than a nice cold (good tasting) glass of water! LOVE IT!
3. I am a treat lover, but I am not a cake or donut fan.
4. I love Instagram and the ability to take a little picture and use a filter and another app to write on it. Mini photoshop, perfect for the too busy person. 
5. I love my phone. I just got it about two months ago.  I loved it more, but my spouse scared me and my phone flew out of my hands (I was posting to Instagram, actually lol) and the screen cracked. It was maybe 32 days mine. So sad! I try to take good care of my stuff, don't let the kids touch etc. He, on the other hand, lets the kids use his phones, etc and neither of his smartphones had a scratch. So unfair! Mine should be perfecto!
6. I love to read, and a few months ago I did surveys like crazy, searched for dumb things and other random stuff to earn enough points here and there for enough Amazon credit to buy a Kindle Fire. I love it!!! I use it all the time. In fact, it does not replace a laptop, but between my phone and Kindle Fire, sometimes I just ditch this thing, cause it makes me CRAZY.
7. I think my favorite holiday is Halloween. I love Christmas for the reason you should love it, but Halloween is such a nonsensical holiday, with witches and bones and ravens and strange things that are otherwise quite weird, and I love it. Oh and I love the fall food and treats, and of course the candy!!
8. I am due for baby #4, making this the THIRD kid in November. I will be 36 weeks on 10/31, maybe we can make it into October instead? HAHA! I honestly was avoiding a November baby cause this is insane!
9. I miss my puggy so much, but I am slightly worried any other dog I get will not be as good or good enough. He was such a great dog. Easy to potty train, slightly crazy and chewy in his younger years, but he really did not ruin very many things. He was seriously my favorite little thing. LOVE him so so so much. He rarely had accidents in the house, till the end. Okay now I am crying. I need another pug! Moving right along...
10. I used to be into chick flicks, and I still like them, but I do love me a good action movie, especially one with maybe Matt Damon aka Jason Bourne  :D
11. I would love to learn a bunch of languages. Some day I will. French, Spanish, maybe German, and maybe a character type one. I seriously think it would be SO awesome! I love culture and the big world, it would help me feel more a part of that.
12. Speaking of which, there are soooooo many places I want to travel. I love seeing other places. Since writing in 2009, I have a passport and have gone to Vancouver, BC Canada (I know, impressive, huh? lol), Puerto Vallarta, Mexico (LOVED IT!) and Costa Rica (and Nicaragua, if you count me crossing the border for a quick pic). I think going other countries is addicting, and when I have the funding and the freedom, I plan to travel more.
13. Sometimes I struggle with my choice to have kids, and be a wife and a mom. But my kids, they continually do things to remind me they are great and that I do love them. They continue to make me fall in love with them, even if they make me crazy about equal amounts, HAHA!
14. I love pumpkin stuff and sometimes wish it was available all year long (like Dryers Pumpkin ice cream... YUM!)
15. I love to run, and I love to walk. So I walk and I run. And that makes my run time slow, but I still love it. Especially love the cool crisp fall mornings, and running down Provo canyon with the leaves. I love down hill. I love listening to loud music as I run too. I am sure I am going to need a hearing aid some day.
16. I would rather wear my running clothes than a swimsuit. I feel so much more comfortable in that!
17. I have little odd jobs I do for friends, like helping finish jewelry, make gift baskets, random office jobs.   I love doing all these things, makes me feel productive on a job-level and helps me "make" things without having to go do a bunch of boutiques. I do love my boutiques, but they are sort of becoming a lot to deal with. That might be because the last one I did was recently and I am pregnant and I feel huge and standing for very long hurts my legs/feet etc and I ended up being sort of sick that week.
18. I am currently 30w4d prego. I had pneumonia in January, so I was pooped all the time, then got prego and massively tired just ALLLLL THE TIME. That has been 8+ months of sheer exhaustion, without the use of caffeine, and sometimes with. I am having a hard time believing I will ever have energy again, I will ever run again, I will ever not have to pee every half hour like my life depends on it lol, ever be thinner again, sleep good at night, not need 9-10 hrs of sleep a day/night to function, etc. Basically, I need to have this baby and improve the way I feel about my body asap, inside and out. It will, I think, do wonders for my psyche.
19. Year after year, my favorite fruits are the same. RASPBERRIES! Peaches! LOVE them. I also love Rainier Cherries. YUM!
20. I like where I am a lot, but I could be ready for a new adventure in another state or country. Sounds like fun!
21. I wish I could handle more kids, cause I think having a big family is great. I would have 8 kids, if I thought I could mentally, physically, and financially do 4 more pregnancies and little people running around. I think you have to be the right kind of person for this as well, a level of selflessness I do not possess.
22. The last concert I went to was Sarah McLachlan, on Valentine's Day. Jody got really sick, so I went with Nicole. HAHA! It was fun, we had a blast, and I am sure we looked like we fit right in, probably could have held hands.  :D
23. I would like to get voice lessons at some point, but I am not entirely sure I would be willing to sing solo in front of anyone still.
24. I plan to get a piano and take lessons, and have my kids take lessons. I think being musically inclined is a very valuable thing. Good for a person. I want to encourage my kids to sing, dance, play guitar, piano, whatever. I just love the arts.
25. It has been a while, but when I write in my journal, it is like 8 pages. And sometimes, I do that all the time.  I do not write that much because it has been a long time between entries, I just simply write long.
26. ((This is getting hard, coming up with interesting tidbits about myself, but I am determined to do it, because I think we should know ourselves))  I am a really picky eater. I will eat WAY more now than  ten years ago, but what sounds good really rules my eating life.
27. I really dislike doing dishes, and normally would say I prefer laundry over dishes. That said, I prefer dishes because they take a lot less time and provide an instant gratification. Laundry takes so much longer to feel like anything is happening!
28. I love bakeries. Something about bread and soup and goodies makes me SO happy and warm and fuzzy! I have a thing right now for sourdough bread, and for the past two Saturdays, my dinner has been soup in a sourdough bread bowl. One from Kneaders and the other Corner Bakery (?) and neither disappointed. Holy yum. I would have had a sandwich tonight too, but man I can't eat much these days or I pay for it with hours of discomfort. Not always heartburn, just sheer lack of space for what I put in there! And it takes a year to digest, I swear. If only I felt this way not pregnant, maybe I would lose weight and eat better portion sizes!
29. I love google, they save everything for me. Seriously, has saved me a lot of grief over the years! Blogging, email, etc. I used to be loyal to yahoo, but I have definitely switched.
30. I love nuts. Almonds are my first choice, cashews, pecans etc. I think they can be so valuable to a recipe. And I LOVE Nutella. YUM. And hot chocolate with either Irish Cream (I know, not a nut), hazelnut, or amaretto creamer. 
31. I love 7Eleven for their creamers. LOL. And Coke Slurpees. Those are my favorite!!!
32. I love being in the hospital. I know people have their babies and are itching to go home, but I don't mind being in there. I have had all three of my kids at the AF Hospital and have not had any bad nursing experiences. They have treats they bring you whenever you ask, they indulge me and bring my cranberry orange juice mixture, in a big mug that I love, with the good ice. They take my baby when I am ready for quiet (cause you know, after those three-four days are over, who does that?!). I get to read and stuff, and then get visits from my mom and my kids, haha. It is so nice! Hopefully this time will be as good. I am a tiny bit nervous for after, but what do you do? I will be coming home to a couple days of a husband, then he will be off Jazzing again. PS I have a post up my sleeves about that.
33. I am a really good vitamin taker. Every morning I take my multi/prenatal, my Schiff Mega Reds (krill oil), and my Zyrtec. I look forward to ditching the Zyrtec, but I love fall and not winter, so I am  not wishing for that. If I remember, in the afternoon, I take a B complex. If I am not this pregnant and running, I take like 4 ibuprofen in the morning with those, before a run. 
34. I am a baker, treat maker, etc. Dessert is always first on my list. I can cook dinner, but I am way better at the sweets. I think I am a decent cook. My kids think I am the worst cook in the universe, and my husband will eat anything, so I am not sure his opinion counts. You want to know one thing I struggle with? It is a funny one. I don't make very good mac n cheese. It always has lumps of cheese powder lol. I guess I am not patient and do it wrong. Who knows. I would care, but it is mac n cheese, so I don't.
35. I love water. I like to be out on the lake, at the ocean, etc. I do not like wearing a swimsuit or being hot, so this does not necessarily mean I am a beach bum. I love to be at the beach, and will do so in a swimsuit just cause, but I just love water. I do not necessarily need to get in. I can go to Lake Powell or wherever, and just chill on the boat and read, and not try any water sports, cause that is not my thing. Just being on the boat and enjoying the scenery, the float, whatever. I love boat rides! I want to go on a cruise again just so I can sit on the back of the boat in the evening and read and watch the water trailing behind. I have a deep reverence for that water too, cause, in a way, it also scares the daylights out of me!
36. Number 100! HMM. I love my neighborhood, ward, friends, family. I am surrounded by great people. I am happy that I have moved a trillion times and was forced to make my friends, I feel like either that or I was born with it, but helps me to make friends and I enjoy all the ones I have made through out my life. Also makes it so that if I am in need for any reason, I feel like I am able to ask for help, because I try to have friends. I may not always nurture a close friendship with everyone, but I feel like making friends and then being willing to help out to is always a good policy in general, but I believe in good Karma and if you do good things for others, they will do good things for you. Not an expectation, just something that happens cause that is how things work.

Now that I have spent way too much time blogging and zero time rearranging my room, like I was supposed to, I better go to bed. Can I just say how thrilled I am to have no plans tomorrow? I normally have church at 9, which I make it sometime around 10:25 for Primary, where I teach some 3/4 yr olds. Well I am happy to say I can sleep and sleep and not worry about getting there to teach my little class, and I am excited about it. I can wear my pj's all day and that will be okay. Except I need to get this dang room moved around, cleaned out and organized so I can be more ready for this little guy. I feel so much better when I get stuff done, and I have been feeling the urge to be ready for weeks and weeks now. Not sure if it is normal nesting or cause I need to get it done early for a reason, but now that I am 30 wks I am stressing that I have not done certain things so I need to get them done, simply for my peace of mind. Even if it does not matter and sits there done for the next 7 weeks and I am still pregnant. 

I was going to do a separate post, but I can just say now. I am due Nov 28th, and honestly if you know, I really hate telling people my actual due date, cause it really means nothing to me. 

Ethan EDD 11.24 DOB 11.10

Sydney EDD 12.4 DOB 11.23

Aidan EDD 3.18 DOB 3.2 (and barely, it was like 12:43 am)

I know this. My Dr is leaving town for Thanksgiving, so no matter what I will have a baby before she leaves, which is before (though I do not know when) my 39 week appt. I have never made it that far anyway, so I am not too worried. My intuition said it would be 1st week of November ish or just earlier than normal. I have just felt that this whole time. Does that mean anything? Who knows, I guess we will find out in the coming weeks. I just really hope there are no shared birthdays, and my Dr is out of town on Nov 9 and 10 anyway so that would so suck. I really do want HER to do my surgery and no one else (as the main Dr, I don't care who assists).  

Anywho, rambling ponderings of a pregnant lady can be kind of obnoxious but oh well huh? All I know is Jody has been forbidden (lol) to travel for business after the 10th. He flies home from Denver that day. 

Crazy to know that two months from this day I will for sure have a baby (barring any bad things) and I will officially (well, in an unofficial sort of way) be moving on to a different part of my life. 

That my friends, seems like a pretty exciting prospect. Let's just hope my agenda for me is along the same lines as Heavenly Father's agenda for me... HAHA!

Hole in My Heart

We are back from Costa Rica. It was a lot of fun. Very stressful at times, but fun! Yesterday was basically all travel. We woke at 6 am, got ready and finished the last little bit of packing up our things, had brekky & headed out. So 7:30ish, we were on a bus, headed from Arenal back to Liberia, a 3 ish hour bus ride. Then waiting time in the airport (most of which was "business", ie checking in, dealing with baggage, etc), then a 3-4 hour ride to Atlanta, a layover that consisted of waiting in a hella long new-ride-at-Disneyland-in-June type line for re-entry to the US, then picking up & re-checking in our luggage (and snatching children's ibuprofen out, giving some to Ethan, who had a raging headache, then throwing it back in the suitcase cause it was 4 oz... I could really punch the person--bad guy-- responsible for that rule), then having a half hour left to eat. Wowsa it was a fast one. I mean not really, it was like 2.5 hours lol, but it was packed with stuff that had to be done. Then we flew to SLC and that was 3-4 hours as well. After getting our stuff, our car, and heading home, it was like 1:10 am. LONG LONG DAY! And CR is MST, so there was no time lost/gained in that scenario (we will just disregard the time in Atlanta being EST). Aidan was a pain in the butt for these flights, wiggly squirmy and would not sleep. I am sure he drove the people next to him nuts, but what do you do?

Anyway, I want to tell more about the fun in our trip, the great people we met, etc but this post is about something different.
I want this to have loads of pictures, but in my rush to pack and get out the door to CR, I misplaced my safe deposit box keys, which I opened after all this fire business, and that has my external hard drives with most of my pictures. Except a few from the end. So I guess now would be an appropriate time to state--
WARNING-- some of these pics, well, at least one, is sort of sensitive...

Okay, so maybe in November, we took our poochie, Jake the Pug, to the vet.  He was struggling to jump up and down from things, walk stairs, etc. After a little exam and some x-rays, it was discovered Jake had horrible arthritis in his hips, that was some of the issue. His hind legs were starting to drag, his feet slow to respond. But after walking a second, they would come along, like they were supposed to. She said that was neurological and he needed an MRI.  Well, we took some glucosamine & fish oil & prednisone and agreed to come back to follow up later. Nothing really improved. I am not sure if having Bella around actually did good or harm on the inside, but he seemed to perk up. You know, defend the food, pee on her pee, etc. Oh, I should add, that at some point around the first visit, he was having troubles lifting his leg to pee, so he began squatting like a female doggie.
Anyway, so his appetite picked up, etc. He was pooping in the house on accident, all the time. At first it was just every once in a while, like when he was excited about us coming home or something, but then pretty much every time he needed to poop, it most likely happened inside. This, I thought, could be worse. I just cleaned it up every time, happy it was not pee, and knowing I could not do anything about it. Bella started eating it, which is sick and wrong, but then it made clean up a tad easier, so whatevs. LOL. What would I be able to do about it anyway?
So while we had her, every once in a while Jake would accidentally pee in the house as well. It would just come out while he was walking, he never actually stopped to pee. He was always very good about accidents, rarely had them in the house once he was trained. At some point in May, I took him to the vet to follow up on his issues, and we had a heart to heart.  She gave us two routes, basically. One, do MRI, which could lead to surgery, which could fix the problem (or not). That would be $2800-$4800.  OR watch and wait, give him prednisone every day, and basically measure his quality of life. She gave me a list of things to watch for. Does he get happy to see us, have an appetite, does he mess himself while sitting or sleeping, etc.

His appetite was struggling for a while, but we gave him prednisone more regularly, and that increases appetite as well as thirst. Which is also when he started drinking like a freaking horse and then losing his muscle control there, leading to him peeing all over the house, all the time. I would make him go outside and he would look at me like I was nuts. I don't need to potty. With that attitude, we would have to stay outside with him, follow him around and make sure something actually came out. About Memorial Day is when his this started really getting annoying, and just got worse. 

We were planning to go to Costa Rica, and I had arranged for Jody's sister to watch the dogs. That was months ago, and I had gotten rid of Bella, so I wasn't sure if she was still willing to do it. I put it on the back burner and really did not think about it much (or enough). Then it came closer, the week before and I was like... oh crap, who is going to watch Jake. So I was trying to line it up, I sent emails to a few people detailing what watching him would entail. Then I asked about it on facebook as well, again, detailing what watching him meant. Then, I would talk to those who responded, again, detailing his issues, etc. Every time I typed that out, it just made me really stop and think about how his life kind of sucked. I mean he was happy, to hang out with us. He loved me and Jody and as long as we were around, he was happy. I think he loved my kids too, but not as much as us. And pugs are pretty strong-willed stubborn little dogs, so imagine his back end still limp and not responding to his head's orders, dragging along while his front end is super determined to high tail it to the other room to follow one of us around. That is what it was like for him, his hind legs responded less and less. He had little calluses on the front/top of his back paws, from dragging them, paw up.
I guess it makes more sense now, but with time running out before our trip, we were probably going to have to board him or put him down. I felt like boarding him when we were not sure what to do was a bad idea. Basically, pugs are human dogs. They want their humans. I was pretty sure him being stuck in a kennel all day, with very little human interaction, may put him over the edge. I know they have other dogs around and they get let out every once in a while, but would they know to follow him around and make sure he went? Would they clean out his kennel when he messed in it? Would he mess in it? He does pee/poop all the day long at home, but he would also be walking around too, doubt he would do that much in the boarding situation. I had a lot of questions about that... not to mention the boarding cost would have been $200 plus any vaccines we were behind on (which were a couple). So that was not a deciding factor, but the idea of paying all of that money to have him turn a bad corner and have us put him down when we come home, just did not sound smart. It makes so much more sense now, but at the time, we were so conflicted. I love this dog more than anything, some days. We visited the vet, ours was busy so we saw a different Dr from the same office. He did not give Jody the definitive answer he wanted (yes do it, or no, do not), but he gave us a lot to think about. Basically, Jake was not super awful. His potty situation was a lot to deal with & would probably be the deal breaker for most... it almost was for me too, but I told myself it was almost always on the tile and I could just mop every time... Jake was all there in his mind, but sometimes he looked miserable. Like he was in a lot of pain (which he was, but dogs have a way larger tolerance for pain, categorize it as, "Oh well, this is my life now." and move on). Then others, he acted happy, fine, I am good. The morning of the vet visit (Monday), he acted miserable etc. We took him to the vet, he peed like he has not peed in ages, enjoying every last ounce of pee he could get out on some other dog's pee (bushes out front). I mean he had more adrenaline than he had in ages! I think after the visit, he was all perked up and chipper. We finally decided to do it, and we invited whoever over who wanted to say goodbye, and it was like he knew. These people are here for me. He was upbeat, etc. Which, in turn, made the decision so hard to stick by. Jody laid blankets on the floor (I would not allow Jake in our bed anymore, just in case he had an accident), and he slept by him (which means Jake slept in 10 different places in the night, some of which may have been by Jody, lol). Jody was super anxious, woke up and did research in the middle of the night. Changing his mind. What can we do to help him, can we do this or that? Morning came (mind you, which was also the same day as us leaving for Costa Rica, just not till later, like 1 am later), and we struggled, even till we talked with the vet.
I want to back up for a second and say I started to have the realization of what we were going to have to decide on Sunday. SO I cried my eyes out then, like heart-broken, gut wrenching cry. How do you decide to end a life, much less the life of someone (yes, someone lol) who you totally love and not entirely sure it is time??? I cried a lot Monday, while going back and forth on the decision as well. I would have loved to just lay down with him etc (besides the fact I think it annoyed the heck out of him) but we were leaving the country very soon and I had sooooooooooooo much to do!
When we arrived at the vet's Tuesday morning, Jody asked more questions, we cried a little, etc. The last question Jody asked was the perfect one-- Basically, you would not let me do this if it was the wrong time, too early, right? I mean we did not want to take a life that was just fine, ya know? The vet basically told us, this is an awfully hard choice to make. But we are giving this dog we love a huge gift. He is headed no where but downhill, aside from the happiness we provide him, his life is not going to get any better, his pain less. We could keep him around longer, to be with each other, but letting him go now is going to save him a lot of pain and problems that will most certainly happen. And maybe soon. Basically, once we had decided and made the appointment for euthanasia (ie the appt we were now at), the vet felt comfortable in saying we were doing the right thing.
Once we got all that chatting out of the way, he gave us the option of how to do it. So we all sat on the floor, Jody and I next to each other, with a thick blanket and Jake on our laps, the vet across from us. His leg had already been prepared and they put an IV spot in, so all he had to do was give the shots through that. The vet took a last picture of us together, then we did it. I just have to say that filling out paperwork, making choices about cremation options, etc made me sick. I mean I felt *awful*. I just wanted to vomit. But once the actual procedure was complete, a huge, I mean huge burden was lifted, immediately. I still had (have) a huge hole in my heart, but all of the indecision, etc were immediately relieved.
We sat there for who knows how long, holding his lifeless body. He has not enjoyed being held for a while now, I am thinking as a result of any pressure to his abdomen causing him some pain. It was nice to just sit there and hold him. After a little bit, I remembered I was holding a shell, my pup was no longer in there, and I was ready to leave. We both cried in the office and remembered different things. I cried through out the day, but not like I already had. I was just sad. Jody had to work and I needed to be alone, so that was good. Thank goodness for Lisa, she came and picked my kids up before the appt and watched them all day, so I could grieve alone, and hopefully do the packing I had not been able to get to the two days before (being half disabled due to the stress of what was going on with Jake). Well, I finally made it happen, but it was hard! I felt like doing nothing but laying down.
I cried a few times on my trip, but it was a good distraction. Since being home though, there is a huge elephant in the room called "my pug is missing" and while I am at peace with our choice, I still miss him like crazy.

I am not sure how long I will be able to go without another doggie to love, but I am hoping when we get another, it will be as great as Jake was. I was thinking of maybe getting a different breed (no shed), but I just love my pug. Anyway, I am not replacing him just yet, I just miss him. 

I hope I will take the time and put together a picture list, to show pics of him from early years to now. 

I love this face.

Jake & Erica

Jake liked to listen to Erica play the flute

From his last night. Excited and winded from all his guests lol. He sure does love the doorbell to ring.

3.18.2012

 Christmas 2011

 New Year's 2012

 Jake and Jody, last sleepover

 "Taco salad"

I suppose we both look quite a bit younger here, as you can tell by the date stamp, this was taken 9 years ago. Me and my little puggy. I love his kisses. 

Ethan, not showing his face cause he is crying. This is just before we left for the vet's office.

Saying last goodbyes, as a family.

 Love those ears.

 I know this is basically the same pic a few times, but I like them all ;).

 These are the last kisses he gave me; he denied me at the vet's office! Little stinker!

I indulged him a last car ride, hanging out of the window. I held him up so he could catch some air in his cheeks lol.

 Normally, Jake is on edge, apprehensive, etc at the vet's office. This time, he was relaxed.

 Our last photo together. Dr Chapman took it for us. I appreciated his words that morning, and I truly feel like he understood and respected how much we love this dog.

I keep thinking about his face, his tongue sticking out just a little, as he passed. I am trying so hard to remember the hugs and not the "dead body". I don't want that moment to haunt me, but to help me remember I was with him till the very end. I don't remember what he said exactly, but basically Dr Chapman said we were doing what was best for our friend. He referred to Jake as our friend a few times. He is a great vet and I appreciated everything he did, the way he treated the situation, all the way down to the fact that he was sitting on the floor with us, took the above photo, etc. 

We have been through so much together. I wish I had the pics on my computer of when my kids came home. He always laid by our babies, back when they were harmless to him lol. I am sad he will not get to see this new one here, maybe there is a way they can/will meet in Heaven? 

I do not feel this way right this minute, but as I was trying to pack for my trip (and not feeling like it at all)

all I could think of were the words to a song I love. It is from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack (a Queen song, originally)-- 

Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile
Still stays on

The show must go on
The show must go on

I'll top the bill
I'll earn the kill
I have to find the will
To carry on with the
On with the
On with the show

The show must go on 

I think of these words when things are tough. I definitely feel sad Jake is gone, but no matter what, there are still kids to care for, food to fix, laundry or dishes that need to be done. Life must go on, the show must go on. 

Love my poochie and always will :)