Puzzle

We are all pieces to a puzzle, each of us a spring for a trampoline---

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

Thank you to all who continually push me along :)

In Retrospect

This year has been a very interesting year. Has it been stressful? Very much so. The most stressful of my life? I don't think so.  A lot of things have happened this year that I have had a small amount of control over.  I could have had more control, I suppose, but I am trying to do what is right, which would mean I am putting a large amount of faith and sacrifice in, in hopes that is what I am supposed to be doing, whether I really want to or not.  I am not a great person, so please do not take it as me meaning I think that and I am trying to announce that to the world. I also know I could have treated many situations through out this year better and I would maybe seem a better person. That said, I personally do not regret my actions and do not think them wrong or un-warranted, just could have been better. I guess I am capable of growth, I just won't let myself grow too much, that would be too much to give to myself and those who would benefit from my growth! LOL. 

I know I am talking cryptic but that is the downside of a public blog- anyone can read it and therefore, I choose to keep the details to myself. Heaven forbid I offend anyone or hurt feelings by what I say on my blog...

Anyway, back to the most stressful year bit.  I spent the last portion of my senior year in high school sleeping off my life, in my grandparents' front room, on the floor, in my "space", every day after school and before work.  My whole senior year was stressful, in looking back, I would say that was my most stressful year. It was a very emotional, hard time for me and it  really took a lot (hence the naps).  This year has been so different. My life is so much different now.  I have life's normal craziness going on- three kids can be a bit stressful, finances, marriage, a spouse who is *always* working (and, on a side note, gets paid like he is never working).  Even if I wanted, I simply cannot sleep the afternoon away because I have so many responsibilities. If I were dealing with my own stresses, I think they are enough. Not unbearable, but enough.   I do have a very personal matter that has been giving me some level of stress, and that is my body.  My body is acting more different than it ever has, and it is frustrating me greatly.  That makes planning our family and its future difficult. I don't like it one bit. 

Add to that the stresses of someone else's responsibilities. Sigh. I am not sure if that puts me over the "stress" edge or not. Honestly.  Some days, I feel yes. Others, no.  I vent often, and that helps *a lot*. I just hope that the main life affected is in a positive way and affected enough that I feel like my sacrifice has been worth it.

I just hope the stresses added by others are not making the things with my body worse. I think it would be a great challenge to not blame & resent individuals who cause this extra stress.

I guess even with what is fiercely disappointing and, in a way, heartbreaking, I guess I need to still take a shower, do my hair, apply makeup, make those cookies, wrap those gifts, put those decorations up, and try to enjoy the life I am leading, instead of focusing on the things that are missing from that life.

A scripture that just came to mind- Proverbs 3:5-6 

5¶^aTrust in the Lord with all thine ^bheart; and lean not unto thine^cown ^dunderstanding.

 6In all thy ways ^aacknowledge him, and he shall ^bdirect thy^cpaths.

{from lds.org}